That’s not fair
It’s not fair, because I told my course tutor that I had surgery and what should I do about my lectures and letting my other lecturers know that I’d be away, and I asked what the procedure is, and he said just to email the lecturers that I have on the days that I’d be off and let them know that I wouldn’t be there. Which I did.
But I just got an email from one of my lecturers saying that I had missed a very important lecture and I’m not off to a good start and if I miss another lecture he’ll have to get in touch with the Advice Shop and I’ll have to explain myself.
Now, I don’t know if that was a round email that was sent to everyone who’d missed that lecture. But I’m really quite upset about it…because not only did I send him an email explaining that I wouldn’t be in the lecture due to having surgery that week and I probably couldn’t make it to the rest of the lectures this week as I’d still be in recovery. And THEN, when I went to the lecture on Tuesday (which I actually think is the lecture he’s referring to), I explained that I wouldn’t be in his lecture on Thursday and I’d sent him an email as well, explaining that, and could I please go to the first seminar rather then the second because I need to get home and prepare to go into hospital and he said that was fine. But apparently he wasn’t listening…
Even if it was sent as a round email. It still shouldn’t have been sent to me. Because I explained myself and I did what I was told, and I’ve tried to keep up with the lessons online, and I only missed one lecture. And this email was pretty much like a warning that if I don’t attend the lectures then I will fail this course, and it seemed pretty stern and generally not very nice. And I feel a bit like, well what am I supposed to do? I was stuck on the sofa till last night, which was the first night I felt I could go anywhere, and I will be straight back in uni tomorrow after I’ve caught the early train back.
I’m pretty fragile right now, I don’t sleep well when Ian’s not around, not to mention being really uncomfortable. I slept for two and a half hours last night, from 5am till 7:30am when I got up. Lack of sleep, generally feeling uncomfortable, being stuck in the house not being able to do anything, being stuck in a massive house on my own, not being able to speak to Ian and feeling sick and tired makes for a pretty teary and unhappy Tia anyway, add a mean email from a lecturer that I’ve tried my best not to annoy and you get a nervous and unhappy wreck.
Anyway, point is, it’s not fair if that email was directly aimed at me because that would be his error for not listening to me, and if it was sent as a bulk email, then it shouldn’t have been sent to me because I’d told him where I was twice and it’s his error for not listening to me.
Not bitching about him on the internet, just feeling very sad and like I’m in his bad books already.
It’s early-ish (11pm) and I’m tired so this Gives Me Hope that I’ll get a good night sleep and will be able to get to uni for my lectures tomorrow.
Tia-Rhian x
Get over yourself.
Pieter.
The Thieving Beggars are having ONE reunion gig. If he can’t see me for half an hour then I can only hope it’s because he’s ashamed of how he treated me at Beach Break and…well over the last two years. But since it’s Pieter, I doubt it.
He just sent the beggars a message telling them to choose between me and him. So I take I’m not playing the reunion gig. Which was so lovely of Pieter. The funny thing is, I’ll be at the gig anyway because Freshold are playing…and Ian plays for them :/ Soooo if he thinks he’s avoiding me. He’s actually not. Nice one Pieter.
Tool.
Tia-Rhian xx
So busy showing me where I’m wrong, you forgot to switch your feelings on.
Lyrics by The Hoosiers 
Ouch. Pieter just asked where I’m staying in University and I told him, it turns out we’ve applied for the same place. They don’t put people from the same schools or colleges together unless they’ve applied together, cause they try and put people with strangers to get the full experience. So there’s no way in hell they’d put Pieter and me in the same flat…but just to make double sure…he emailed them to tell them specifically not to put us together. Just to make sure he never has to look at me or include me in his life if he chooses not to have me in it.
It’s like…there is the tiniest percentage ever that they’d put us together…but just to make sure. He had to email them.
I know it’s for the best, and I know we’d hate it if we were in the same flat, having to see each other all the time, and it’d probably make it really hard for everyone else in the flat to live with us too. It just hurt a little bit how he had to ensure that it definitely wouldn’t happen, even though it probably wouldn’t. That I stress him out so much that he actually couldn’t bare the thought that there was even a slight possible chance that we’d have to share a kitchen for a year.
Mean.
Tia-Rhian xx
I’m fed up of people walking all over me.
Lyrics by Remi Nicole
I’m done with people using me. I’m talking about Pieter in this case, but I get it from people a lot.
He knows full well that I’d bail him out whenever her wants money. I could have raised enough money for my kite and still give him £100 if he asked me for it. Everyday, he brings in a packed lunch. I usually have about 70p or whatever I can find in my pocket which will buy me…a cheap hot chocolate, a big cookie, an apple or a pasty. And if he asks for 70p so he can buy one of those things, I still give it to him. I don’t know why, don’t ask me. But I feel like he needs it more than me. So he uses my money, grabs what he wants. And then he’ll sit down and eat whatever food is in his bag, while I sit next to him absolutely starving…
He knows that I’m going to give up my time and hang out with him if it makes him feel better ever though I want some time to myself. Like when me and Nia were supposed to have a girly curry night. He called, he was upset, so I ran home, grabbed some money, hopped on the train and two buses and straight to his house. Whenever he feels lonely, he can come over, even though I’m tired, I need an early night, I just want to watch Criminal Minds and go to sleep. If I’ve got work to do, all he has to do is ask and I’ll talk to him, or I’ll go to the garage with him to fix his car. When I want to spend the weekend chillin’ out with my family who I never see, he asks and I go to the middle of east bloody nowhere.
He knows that I’d do anything for him if he asked. Even when I don’t want to, I still will because I feel like he needs it more than I do. Sure, I’d give anyone everything I had but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss it when it’s gone.
It’s not like I sit here, heart broken, eyes water cause I want a kite so bad but I can’t afford it cause I give people money when they’re hungry. And it’s not like I sit here trying to remember how the Old Mill smells, and what Fatz cheesy fries taste like, and what happens at Zumba, until I’m blue in the face wanting to scream cause I can’t afford to go back to SC cause I’ve given someone all my money, again.
He should know that I’m not going to say no. He does know, in fact, that I’d never say no. If he cared at all, he just wouldn’t ask. And it’s the same with anyone else. Of course I’m going to offer them money if they’re hungry, I’m not just going to sit there stuffing my face in front of them :S
And I’m convinced that Ash invited me to London with her on the weekend because her parents wouldn’t let her travel to London on her own. Which is fine, cause The Slackers were awesome, I got to hang out with Stu, and I met the guys from Anti-Vigilante which was really cool. Ash stalked The Skints and ignored me whenever Jamie or anyone else was around. But I hung out with Andy a lot of the night and we had a catch up and I got to meet Dave Hillyard (one of my many sax idols). It just sucks to feel like I’ve been used by my best friend to get to a band, who couldn’t give a shit about her…actually, Jon (the bassist) and her and really good friends. But it’s like…she can go off with them and do her thing and talk to them for as long as she wants…then she can come back to me, and I’ll be waiting like a little puppy for my “friend”.
Josie’s the same too. She’s my best mate till she has a boyfriend :/ Since she’s been with James, she’s no where to be seen. Apart from the other night when she stayed at mine…she was on a college trip and needed to stay in Llanelli so she could to college the next day. So she stayed here…she was supposed to stay the next night too. But no, she texted at the time she was meant to get here to say she couldn’t cause she’d made other plans. And it’s like…by all means, just leave me in the dark. I’m here to cater for your needs after all. Did she not consider that I might actually need my friend once in a while? Like, did she not consider that I might be a bit fed up of being walked on?
Don’t get me started on Lel either. The amount of times she’s asked me to come and see her, she can’t come up here because it’s a long drive. So I give up my weekend to drive down and see her…then she’s impossible to get hold of. Until she texts to say sorry but something has come up. By which point I’d have driven like an hour to come and see her.
Just so sick of it. So, so, so sick of it. I know, I’m a push over. I don’t ask for money or new things off people. I joke about people buying me a kite and stuff, but I don’t ask for anything. If someone gives me something I need then that’s awesome, like so awesome and I’m so grateful. But like…gah. Tab’s laptop was dying and he needed a new one so he asked mum for a new one. Tadaaaaa, he got one. Mine hasn’t been able to switch on for months. It’s completely dead. No lights. Nothing. I can’t ask mum for a new one cause that’s not fair, she wouldn’t say no to me if she knew it was something I need and she’s got her own stuff she needs to spend money on, so I’ve not asked. And I’ve not got a laptop.
Tab asks mum and dad all the time to help him out with archery stuff. I took up compound archery and I needed a release aid. He said he couldn’t give me his cause it was his spare and he needed it, dad said he’d buy me one. Awesome. Then Tab decided he needed a new one, asked dad for it, dad got him a new one and I got his old spare. Tab got new X10 arrows, I got dads old ACE’s (which are really good, it’s just these were falling apart), Tab got new Fat Boy arrows, I got mum’s old ACE’s that wouldn’t fly right at all, Tab’s had about 4 bows. Each costing about £300 each, at a guess. Tons of new arrows…there’s a shed load in the spare room. There’s a video of him online shooting a rugby goal post with one of his X10′s (they cost £27 per arrow).
I’d really love £300 for a second hand kite. Not even £300. £150 would do it, I can try and save up the rest. Or even like £200 for my harness and board and stuff. But I can’t ask for it cause they’ve got stuff that they want to spend money on. And I can’t afford it cause I keep giving my money to other people.
I just wish that it’d matter to someone what I want sometime. My parents have given me so much, I know. They bought my two pianos, my first sax, the violin and flute were both Tab’s that I got my hands on when he decided he didn’t want to play them. Dad just bought me £300′s worth of acoustic guitar for my 18th, and I love it so much. I sleep with it next to my bed. And I want music more than anything, I love it. Like Tab loves the subject he’s chosen. They’ve funded stuff for his Uni work and his chosen subject, he’s doing sports massage, they bought him a massage table. They’ve funded my music and bought me instruments. It just gets to me that he asks for archery equipment that he doesn’t need and he gets it. It pisses me off that he gets all this new archery stuff, then drinks the night before a competition and shoots like a tit anyway. While I’m sat here bawling like a baby right now cause I want to go to the beach with my friends and not have to sit on the sand and watch them have fun cause I don’t have a kite. He’d never be this upset over a piece of archery kit that he wants but can’t afford. I can’t imagine him not getting something he wants :S I’m trying to think of what he’d do if someone full on just told him he can’t have those new arrows, he hasn’t got the money, mum and dad aren’t paying for it. He’s not having it until he can buy it. He’d throw a stop probably, until someone gives in. I can’t imagine him just accepting that he simply can’t have it. He just wouldn’t. Mum and dad would give it to him anyway, so I guess we won’t ever find out.
Gah 
Tia-Rhian xx
2 Posts! 1 Day!
Just to get this off my chest…
Me and the sax player in Miacca had a massive bust up earlier His arrogance and general unawareness of people has really annoyed me throughout the entire time that I’ve known him. But today, it FINALLY snapped something in my head.
Right, not only does he play his saxophone REALLY loudly over us when we’re trying to discuss song structures and that sort of thing, or try to figure out what to do about out current gigging situation, but he won’t listen to any suggestions anyone has for the song and so when we add something new to it, he doesn’t have a clue!
We’re having to cancel a lot of gigs this Summer cause a few of us don’t feel like we’re ready for them and he complained so much and kicked up such a fuss cause we’re canceling quite a big gig with one of his favorite bands (Pama International) and he wants to do it, and he thinks we can prepare ourselves in two practices. Me and Jack don’t think it’s possible. And he just sat there calling Jack a pessimist and saying he didn’t appreciate the “pessimistic realism” (conflicting ideologies byyyy the way). Then we said, fine, we’ll see how we feel at the end of this practice. We got half way through the song we decided to work on, and he put his saxophone down, and started rolling a cigarette.
THAT annoyed me…not only is it rude. But he JUST said he wanted to work hard so we could play these gigs. And Pete was paying for the practice room this week, and he didn’t pay £25 so Chris could smoke a fag (we call them fags over here…I’m not being rude lol). AND he used my keyboard as a table after being told countless times every practice to stop doing that as I’m fed up of picking bits of tobacco from between the keys. If we were in an open field, and the keyboard was the only surface around, I’d probably be cool with it. But the keys were on the edge of quite a large table and there are soooo many surfaces in the room!
I tell him about 4 times every single practice to please stop using my keys as a table.
So today I said “Chris, please stop putting your tobacco and smoking stuff on my keys. My keyboard is not a table”. Then later, I found his stuff on my keys, so I moved them onto the table. Then later, they were there again, so I moved them to a chair. I got a bit fed up by this point so I said “Chris, if I find your stuff on my keyboard one more time I’m going to…[something involving his saxophones and somewhere they weren't designed to be placed]“. He laughed, not realizing that I was quite serious.
Then, I found them there AGAIN. And I said “Chris…don’t put them there. How many times do I have to tell you?”. He said that he was only leaving them there, and he put them there again so I clawed his stuff off the keys and the tin opened and all of his filters flew through the air in an angry flourish of filter confetti. He looked shocked for a little bit and then actually kicked off.
He started swearing at me and saying how totally pathetic that was and how I’m stupid and cruel to do that and how dare I ever do something like that to him.
I gave him so many opportunities to sort it out. I’ve given him warning after warning after warning and reason after reason as to why she shouldn’t do it. For one, the keyboard is borrow from Tech, who kindly lent it to me. Secondly it’s worth more than Chris or myself can afford to pay to repair or replace, it’s worth more than his car. Thirdly, I shouldn’t have to spend ages picking bits of his tobacco from between the keys when there’s a perfectly good table. Fourthly, I have bad habits too, I don’t chew my nails and leave bits of nail all over his saxophone. I don’t leave stuff on his saxophone. I don’t go anywhere near his instruments. Why should I have to constantly be moving his stuff off of mine? No one else touches the keyboard. And finally, I shouldn’t have to keep asking him. Once really should have been enough!
But knocking his filters all over the floor shouldn’t have warranted the amount of verbal abuse and kicking off that followed it. He really couldn’t see what I was so annoyed about. If it was the first time he’d done it and I’d have thrown his stuff everywhere, then I’d feel a bit more sorry for him. But it’s the fact that I must have told him at least…24 times. And seeing as I’d threatened to do worse, he should be grateful that I didn’t do what I’d promised to do to his hiny with his saxophones.
And anyway! Being the person that I am, I picked his filters up anyway. I got onto the floor and picked them up for him seeing as he wasn’t going to do it. And I didn’t realize till afterwards that I’d even done it…If I’d have realized what I was doing, I’d have left them there. Cause as soon as I’d given them back to him, he started childishly throwing them at my keyboard again. I actually should have smacked him for being such an idiot. He’s the oldest in the band, he’s 25. And we all have to treat him like a misbehaving 2 year old and it’s really not on.
Anyway, he called me a c***, walked out and we could hear his car engine revving so he could get the heck out of there. The rest of the band thought he was an absolute prick today and are quite in favour of him leaving the band, whether he’s got good contacts or not. Cause, quite frankly, if we wanted a two year old, we’d have found one…they could probably play the saxophone better too :S
I’m done taking crap from him. I’ve been taking rubbish from people like him my whole life, he’s always making snide little comments about my clothes or about the way I look, the way I play my instruments (saying I’m too classically trained, I can’t improvise using the theoretical knowledge that I do and stuff like that). I’ve taken stuff like this from Olly, Olly’s dad, Pieter, Chris, one of my lecturers, and they think it’s ok because it’ll make them feel better. I’m a girl, therefor I must be an easy target. Well I’m not. If you’re going to be a prick to me, I sure as hell am not going to stand for it.
So nurh. I hope he does leave the band, cause me and my classically trained skills can play better than him anyway.
Humph! 
Tia-Rhian xx
Where’s the heart gone from your sleeve?
Lyrics by Sonic Boom 6
So I just went to a beach grill out with Steff and some of his friends, my friend and Miacca drummer Joe was there too and my old friends Klaus, Whitton, Crog and…Jon.
…which sucked.
It was lovely to see him, it truly was, and I kept it together and I smiled and he smiled and we laughed and he helped me carry some stuff from the car and we had a bit of a giggle and I drove him and the old crowd home again just now. The he got out of the car…and I cried the whole way home.
I am never going to meet a man like him again. He’s like…not even human. I’m not even kidding. The only bad thing about him is he doesn’t want to be with me. He’s the most charming man I’ve ever met, he knows the right things to say, and when he tells a story he really tells it and he has everyone laughing so hard. And he always has the best thing to say. He’s always got a smile for anyone and he’s always laughing. He’s got the most addictive personality that just…draws me in. He’s beautiful to look at, he’s amazing to talk to, he’s got the most perfect mind, he’s intelligent, he’s charming, he’s funny, he’s cheery…he’s just everything I’ve ever wanted. I can’t believe I threw it away so carelessly. I didn’t even realize.
Back then, I was insecure. I worried about other peoples feelings more than my own, Pieter’s feelings mattered more to me because I knew I’d hurt them so I wanted to do anything to make it up to him and, in the process, really hurt myself and Jon too.
But since then I’ve started putting myself first, and getting to understand myself better and think more positively. Because, before I never thought I could have a man like Jon, and when I did, I thought something was bound to mess it up, so I flipped out and messed it up for myself. But now I’m feeling stronger and more positive, I feel like I could make it work with him…if only I’d been this way at the start. Cause I wouldn’t be needing all the constant support that I did back then and it would be more fun for him when he didn’t have to worry about me all the time.
Gah. I just want him back. It’s been 4 long months and I still just can’t give in.
Part of my thinks I can just get on with life and I’ll forget about it. But every time I think about maybe finding someone new and trying again…I meet all these new people and I think they’d be great if they were just a little bit more like Jon. I just want him. And there’s nothing I can do to change the way he feels. He says he’s running on a different path now.
It’s funny because I feel like my soul is dying.
Tia-Rhian xx
P.S. I’ve been working out and running a lot and that feels epic, I’m getting into this working out routine and I’m really loving it. Shall be able to run with you girlies when I get back!
You might trick me once, but I won’t let you trick me twice…
Lyrics by Kelis
Pieter is such a douche…
Do you see it?? Do you see the pattern forming?!?! Cause I’ve been watching it going round and round and round and round for a year now. Every two weeks this cycle goes round and round and round. And I can’t break it!! I’ve broken up with him and tried a-fresh with 3 really nice, really honest, really decent youg men only to hurt them and begin the cycle again. I CAN’T BREAK IT. There is NO getting rid of him! I’m seriously, seriously stuck! Just fuuuuck OFF Pieter!
He’s just so selfish! He’s SO selfish! ALL the time! In every day conversation, he’s selfish! Today alone I can list a million examples!
1. Early hours of this morning he said he was going to be stuck in college at half 8 this morning. I live next door and I really missed him yesterday, so I said pop over and wake me up otherwise I’ll be late. He said he might do (to be fair, he didn’t say he would). Obviously no Pieter, who knows why, he didn’t tell me. And I was late and dissapointed.
2. All day he was bitching about how he didn’t want to do this lunch time concert with the jazz band and how stupid and pointless it was and how much work he has to do. We played the gig, it sounded crap, I chucked my saxophone and started putting it away and THEN he decides to turn martyr to appear cool to everyone else and say “well we’re here now and we’ve got 25 minutes of the set still to play, just play”. So I had to listen to him ranting and raving and as soon as I need to blow of steam, he doesn’t want to know. Maybe I wouldn’t throw my saxophone if he would just listen to me.
3. When I’m humming something cause I’m cheery he’ll go “Urgh, shut the fuck up. I’ve heard that song so many times”. I do shut up. Cause I don’t want to cause a scene cause we’re known to make people feel uncomfortable. What I want to say is “YOU shut the fuck up. It’s my favorite song and I’ll sing it if I want to. I don’t tell YOU to shut the fuck up when you’re rude to people, when you shout innappropriate things, you take the piss out of me, when you’re inconsiderate to me.” Cause he IS! He’s fucking horrible when he wants to be. He really is.
4. He uses my alto saxophone reeds…actually, he uses my alto saxophone. Where the fuck is your saxophone, Pieter? And next time you want to use mine, you know where I live, go and get it yourself and take it back when your done.
And INCONSIDERATE! He has NO idea how to treat people! If someone drops something in front of you, you’re going to help them by picking it up aren’t you? Especially if it’s right in your path. But nope, Piet just saaaaiiiiils past, his excuse is “well, I didn’t drop it, did I?”. So what?! Have you never heard of helping someone out?? And when I’m carrying my college bag, a flask of hot coffee and my tenor sax and he’s just got my alto (that I’d gone home and got him) you’d think he’d offer to carry something, or at least take the big sax and let me carry the little one. But nope, just let me struggle on by Piet. No worries. And what about doors? They slam in my face. When there’s a lack of chairs in the canteen and there’s only a chair for one of us, I have to find another chair or stand up. When it’s cold and I’m not warm enough, I’m left to shiver it out. Not even a HUG or an ARM let alone a jacket or a coat. Twice he’s offered. Twice. And those are BOTH times when I’ve made it clear I don’t want to be with him and he’s trying to get me back. I need to escape from this FUCKING PRISON that is my home and hang out with my friend or boyfriend, I have to just go for a walk or cry it out because he needs a weekend by himself. Maybe we can do something in the evening though? Yeah, that’s a good line to shut me up for the time being isn’t it? I’ll see you on Monday then in class, yeah? Crying my eyes out, how about a phone call? Cause when you were flipping out I ran home from Nia’s, grabbed my stuff and jumped straight on the train to your house. Where were you when I needed you?
His home life isn’t great, so I’ve offered him a bed at our house. Not my bed, I’ve offered him the spare bed in case he needs to get away from his family. My homelife is absolute wank at the minute, where’s my invite? Where are you to even take me out for the day? Earlier, he said he didn’t want to go home, and because I’ve missed him I invited him over after to college for an hour or two so he didn’t have to go home straight away. Nah, he just went home. How does he think that makes me feel?? Genuinely! “My home life is shit, dad’s a cunt and Dianne’s always patronizing me. They’re always so horrible and always telling me to get a job, and sort my car out and they never help me and they’re always looking down at me and making sarcy comments…but I’d rather go back there than spend an hour with you.”
Right, and I know you’re thinking “Tia, just tell him to back off…” But I fucking CAN’T!! He fucking comes back, he just finds his way back in and I get reeled straight back in again.
The truth is, since Jon left. I don’t care about anything. I just don’t care. I don’t care how I look, I don’t care about uni, I don’t care about the beggars. I just don’t care. Oh Pieter’s nagging me to get back with him again? Well, life’s already shit. Why not. It’s better than being on my own like this.
I just want to smack him for doing it to me again!! Well done Pieter, well fucking done, you’ve managed it again. Dickhead.
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a Particular Fashion to Untangle this Mess…
Lyrics by The Thieving Beggars
Well what a mess this Thursday and Friday have been…Seriously. Hah.
This could potentianlly turn into a rant.
I can’t be bothered to tell you the whooooole story. But the Thieving Beggars were supposed to be recording today (Friday) so Pieter, Lewis, Lewis’ girlfriend Seren and I went up to stay at Dom’s last night. And it was all going ok, but then I started having a panic attack and I flipped a little bit. Then Piet had a bit of a flip out and he got really angry. Seren asked me what was wrong with him and I said that me and him go through this pattern a lot and he’s probably depressed, I’ll go check on him. But we were laughing a lot, and generally being girls. I think he’d had a bit too much to drink anyway so he wasn’t thinking clearly. Anyway, I bounced up to him and grabbed his sides and asked if he was ok, but he swung out his arm in attampt to push me away but he ended up elbowing me in the chest and winding me and he said “well it’s nice of you to talk about me while I’m on the other side of the room”. So I walked away and carried on chatting with Seren and Lewis, but this obviously made my panic attack much worse.
Pieter went out for a think. I followed shortly after him and appologized for offending him and I was just being a girl and I didn’t mean to hurt him, I asked if he was ok. He said he didn’t know. So I told him I’d come and check on him in a bit if he wasn’t back. I left him the key to Dom’s room anyway and I went back. Usually he says he just needs to think and figure things out for himself, he usually comes to me afterwards anyway.
So Seren, Lewis and I decided to go to the top floor of this block of flats and look at the city, which was cool But my panic attack was getting ridiculous so I was pacing a lot. Then Pieter came up to the top floor to see us, which made me panic more so I left. And then he left…so I came back…(This is getting confusing and silly! Sorry!) and theeeeen he came back and asked to talk to me. He looked really sick, he was pale and his eyes were red and he just looked so tired. Mind you, it was about 3am by this point. I must have looked the same. He said he was really sorry about this and he didn’t mean for this argument to happen, he didn’t know what’s going on. I said it was fine. I gave him a hug.
There was a lot of talking during for a while. Then we went back to the flat and we all went to bed. I forgot my sleeping bag so Dom, very kindly, let me sleep on the bed without a duvet while he and his duvet moved to the sofa. Lewis and Seren slept on the floor and Pieter asked if he could sleep by me. I would have considered saying no had I been in the right mind, but I wasn’t so I was glad to have him there. The panic attack gets to the shaky, cold, hysterical stage and then it usually only lasts like 5 minutes more, and while that was going on Pieter was holding my hand and stroking my shin and telling me it was going to be ok. Which was nice. And then when I’d stopped panicking he offered a shoulder to sleep on. So I accepted and we talked and laughed for a little bit and fell alseep. I had two more panic attacks when we woke up and he helped me through them too, he’s quite good at that now!
Theeeen, today was terrible. Cause I woke up too early and panicked, and didn’t have money for food, felt really ill all day, didn’t record much and what I did record sounded terrible and I don’t want them to use it cause it’s really bad, and then I had to leave earlier than everyone else to go to the gym with Nicola, so I spent an hour on the bus listening to some woman talk about her dogs cause I forgot my iPod, and I got to where I’m menna meet mum and I remember I’ve got a pound in my purse, and then I realized I’d left my purse on the coach so I had to run after the coach and the bus driver was horrible and REFUSED to open the door and then he drove to another bus stop and I had to follow him, then walk back to where I’m meant to meet mum, and she texts and says she’s running late, so I buy my breakfast (at 4pm) and eat that sat on my sax case, mum is half an hour late so Nicola ends up going to the gym without me. And I end up getting home the same time as the rest of the Beggars. And theeeeeen I get in to find a message on my Facebook from Ben from Sonic Boom Six (one of my other favourite bands) and that was AWESOME. Buuuut I left my Facebook logged in at the studio and Pieter or Dom hacked my facebook and changed my picture and my status and that SUCKED and they’re all going to die cause Ben probably thinks I’m an idiot now…
Anyway, the good news iiiiisss that Ben wants me to send a demo of the Thieving Beggars to his music label Rebel Alliance and someone will listen to it, and he’s told me who to get in contact with, what booking agents and that sort of thing. Which was nice
And Beach Break Live is a really big festival around here and basically, Nicola helped bring it to our local area. The organiser was really impressed and he’s given her her own stage to put bands on. She gets to choose the bands and what happens on the stage, and she’s picked the Thieving Beggars to play! 20,000 people go to this festival every year and the biggest acts in Britain play I’ll try and find out a line up for you 
Tia-Rhian xx
You might have perfect sight, my friend, but you are so blind.
Lyrics by The Skints
Mmmm…The Skints *Drool*. They…are…AWESOME!!
They are a gritty British Political Ska band. I’ll link you to some of their stuff. But they are genuinely one of the best bands I’ve heard this year. I’ve been listening to them, non-stop for the last week or so.
I added their sax/flute/melodica player on Facebook on the off chance that she’d accept. But she did! And she sent me this message:
hii! thanks for the add ^_^
aah you play flute and sax, hi five!! im not so good at sax, i kinda.. busk it i guess ..but shhhhh dont tell anyone… haha
I asked her some stuff about her band and how they get around and any advice on what promoters to get to know and what venues are popular with A&R guys. She gave me some pretty sound advice. Which was cool. Seeing as The Skints have been getting plays on Radio 1 (the biggest, most popular station in Britain…) all week, and have been touring with Sonic Boom Six and they’re on the Rebel Alliance tour, cause they’re signed by Rebel Alliance. They’re doing well for themselves.
I checked out her Facebook page, anyway. And do you KNOW when she was born?? March 1990! March bloody 1990. She’s not even a year older then me! In fact, she’s a few months older than me!! Can’t believe it.
Anyway, it gave me an new flare to work harder and get more contacts and just play as many gigs and possible!!
My lecturer has STILL not sent off my Uni application…argh!
Pieter’s being a noob again. He told me he wanted us to try it again, so I said “look, we’ll see how it goes. We’ve been great recently. But I don’t want to jump into anything…” And it’s been going great. Until we go back to college. And THIS is why I said we should wait until University to do this! But noooooo, he needs me, he loves me, he can’t wait that long, he needs to know how I feel because it’s killing him insiiiide. Bullshit, Pieter.
He’s just ended a conversation abruptly like he does when he’s really annoyed at me. I do it too, but only when we’ve had an argument and I want to say “I can’t handle you right now, I’ll come back and talk when we’re not screaming at each other”. But I haven’t done anything. I came back from open mic night with Ash. I texted Pieter while I was there, to let him know I’m thinking of him. I get home and we have a nice chat. And then he just goes off on one and ends it abruptly as if we’ve had an argument or I’ve really annoyed him. Well PISS OFF PIETER. Like I’ve said a million times. If he can’t behave himself then I’m not going to bother with him. I’m sick of this, always. I feel tricked again. But I just can’t get rid of him. I think I’ve succeeded and he comes right back again.
Urgh. I’m going to tell him tomorrow that I don’t appreciate the attidtude and if he’s going to talk to me like that, or vent his anger on me, he can piss right off and find someone who’s going to stand for it. Because I’m not. By all means, I’ll give it another go if I think we can manage it. If we can be happy and actually work at it. But if I don’t have anything nice to say to him, I’m not going to say it. I just wish he’d do the same. Instead of this “woe me, woe me. Look, I’m so fucking angry. Fix my life but stay the fuck away from me because you fucked it up for me.” I mean, what am I supposed to do wit that? Great, Pieter. Fab. I can really change my wicked ways and fix your life with that attitude and information you’ve just given me. Cheers, that’s really made my evening great. Cause it was brilliant until he showed up :/
Anyway, it still is brilliant. I’m catching up with Klaus cause we haven’t spoken in ages, and we’re being philosophical. And I’m talking to Steff who is still my loving and close friend who fixes every thing
Night!
Tia-Rhian xxx
I’ll shout and I’ll shut you out…
I’ll warn you before hand that this could potentially be a pretty big rant…
I’ve just read one of the most racist comment I’ve ever heard in my life. And it’s sick. It’s sick!
There is a village in England which is going to shut for a day so they can hold a ceremony and a march for the fallen British soldiers. Fair enough. And the Muslim people that live in that area and surrounding areas are planning to join the march. NOT as a protest, and NOT to intrude on the British march, but to commemorate the deaths of their civilian people. Now, I think this is fair enough. A lot of people in Britain are Islamic and families are from middle eastern countries. Most of the people my age, though their families are from Afghanistan and Iraq, are British. They were born here and this is what they know. If they can’t commemorate the deaths of their people and families while their in their own country, where are they supposed to do it?
I am a prod Brit. I am. A lot of well-known literature has come from our country, there’s been some of the most famous musicians in the world have come from here, we’ve pulled together when we’ve needed to and other good stuff like that. We’ve made a lot of mistakes too, don’t get me wrong. But my point is, I’m proud.
But there’s a difference between being proud and being a complete twat…I’m quite happy to share where I live. There are people who simply aren’t safe in their countries and have no option but to leave. If me and my family were in the same position, there’s no doubt that I would do the same thing. These people are just looking for a better quality of life. They are about as much to blame for the war as I am, or even my dogs are.
This is stupid! Tell you what. How about we start a war in their country for no apparent reason, and then start another war against their innocent families in OUR OWN COUNTRY. Doesn’t that sound like a brilliant idea, Britain? See how happy you are then, cause that’s where this is going to end up…
“Get out of my country! I don’t want to stay here with you vermin…”. People SAY that! They really do! When they don’t even give a crap about this country. They don’t, they couldn’t care less! I’d almost excuse them if they were true God-fearing, hard working, educated countrymen with old British heritage. But they aren’t. They are common, God-hating, jobless, uneducated imbeciles who only hate Islamic people because they can get jobs in this country when these idiots can’t.
Here’s a suggestion for you. Why don’t you “British” people get lives…or jobs! That’s it, get jobs, start caring for your families, maybe stop your kids from going out and spraying their celebrity-copied names onto the walls of the towns that people have worked hard to build, clean up the litter you’ve left all over the streets, tell your son or daughter to use a fucking condom until their married to spare the country of more people like you, make sure they go to school and University and give them an actual chance at life. THEN tell me that you give a crap about my country.
Idiots…the lot of them. They’re sort of like…the people that go on Ricki Lake…except they go on Jerome Kyle in this country…
Anyway, I’m going again now…
Tia-Rhian x
