I’m fed up of people walking all over me.
Lyrics by Remi Nicole 
I’m done with people using me. I’m talking about Pieter in this case, but I get it from people a lot.
He knows full well that I’d bail him out whenever her wants money. I could have raised enough money for my kite and still give him £100 if he asked me for it. Everyday, he brings in a packed lunch. I usually have about 70p or whatever I can find in my pocket which will buy me…a cheap hot chocolate, a big cookie, an apple or a pasty. And if he asks for 70p so he can buy one of those things, I still give it to him. I don’t know why, don’t ask me. But I feel like he needs it more than me. So he uses my money, grabs what he wants. And then he’ll sit down and eat whatever food is in his bag, while I sit next to him absolutely starving…
He knows that I’m going to give up my time and hang out with him if it makes him feel better ever though I want some time to myself. Like when me and Nia were supposed to have a girly curry night. He called, he was upset, so I ran home, grabbed some money, hopped on the train and two buses and straight to his house. Whenever he feels lonely, he can come over, even though I’m tired, I need an early night, I just want to watch Criminal Minds and go to sleep. If I’ve got work to do, all he has to do is ask and I’ll talk to him, or I’ll go to the garage with him to fix his car. When I want to spend the weekend chillin’ out with my family who I never see, he asks and I go to the middle of east bloody nowhere.
He knows that I’d do anything for him if he asked. Even when I don’t want to, I still will because I feel like he needs it more than I do. Sure, I’d give anyone everything I had but it doesn’t mean I won’t miss it when it’s gone.
It’s not like I sit here, heart broken, eyes water cause I want a kite so bad but I can’t afford it cause I give people money when they’re hungry. And it’s not like I sit here trying to remember how the Old Mill smells, and what Fatz cheesy fries taste like, and what happens at Zumba, until I’m blue in the face wanting to scream cause I can’t afford to go back to SC cause I’ve given someone all my money, again.
He should know that I’m not going to say no. He does know, in fact, that I’d never say no. If he cared at all, he just wouldn’t ask. And it’s the same with anyone else. Of course I’m going to offer them money if they’re hungry, I’m not just going to sit there stuffing my face in front of them :S
And I’m convinced that Ash invited me to London with her on the weekend because her parents wouldn’t let her travel to London on her own. Which is fine, cause The Slackers were awesome, I got to hang out with Stu, and I met the guys from Anti-Vigilante which was really cool. Ash stalked The Skints and ignored me whenever Jamie or anyone else was around. But I hung out with Andy a lot of the night and we had a catch up and I got to meet Dave Hillyard (one of my many sax idols). It just sucks to feel like I’ve been used by my best friend to get to a band, who couldn’t give a shit about her…actually, Jon (the bassist) and her and really good friends. But it’s like…she can go off with them and do her thing and talk to them for as long as she wants…then she can come back to me, and I’ll be waiting like a little puppy for my “friend”.
Josie’s the same too. She’s my best mate till she has a boyfriend :/ Since she’s been with James, she’s no where to be seen. Apart from the other night when she stayed at mine…she was on a college trip and needed to stay in Llanelli so she could to college the next day. So she stayed here…she was supposed to stay the next night too. But no, she texted at the time she was meant to get here to say she couldn’t cause she’d made other plans. And it’s like…by all means, just leave me in the dark. I’m here to cater for your needs after all. Did she not consider that I might actually need my friend once in a while? Like, did she not consider that I might be a bit fed up of being walked on?
Don’t get me started on Lel either. The amount of times she’s asked me to come and see her, she can’t come up here because it’s a long drive. So I give up my weekend to drive down and see her…then she’s impossible to get hold of. Until she texts to say sorry but something has come up. By which point I’d have driven like an hour to come and see her.
Just so sick of it. So, so, so sick of it. I know, I’m a push over. I don’t ask for money or new things off people. I joke about people buying me a kite and stuff, but I don’t ask for anything. If someone gives me something I need then that’s awesome, like so awesome and I’m so grateful. But like…gah. Tab’s laptop was dying and he needed a new one so he asked mum for a new one. Tadaaaaa, he got one. Mine hasn’t been able to switch on for months. It’s completely dead. No lights. Nothing. I can’t ask mum for a new one cause that’s not fair, she wouldn’t say no to me if she knew it was something I need and she’s got her own stuff she needs to spend money on, so I’ve not asked. And I’ve not got a laptop.
Tab asks mum and dad all the time to help him out with archery stuff. I took up compound archery and I needed a release aid. He said he couldn’t give me his cause it was his spare and he needed it, dad said he’d buy me one. Awesome. Then Tab decided he needed a new one, asked dad for it, dad got him a new one and I got his old spare. Tab got new X10 arrows, I got dads old ACE’s (which are really good, it’s just these were falling apart), Tab got new Fat Boy arrows, I got mum’s old ACE’s that wouldn’t fly right at all, Tab’s had about 4 bows. Each costing about £300 each, at a guess. Tons of new arrows…there’s a shed load in the spare room. There’s a video of him online shooting a rugby goal post with one of his X10′s (they cost £27 per arrow).
I’d really love £300 for a second hand kite. Not even £300. £150 would do it, I can try and save up the rest. Or even like £200 for my harness and board and stuff. But I can’t ask for it cause they’ve got stuff that they want to spend money on. And I can’t afford it cause I keep giving my money to other people.
I just wish that it’d matter to someone what I want sometime. My parents have given me so much, I know. They bought my two pianos, my first sax, the violin and flute were both Tab’s that I got my hands on when he decided he didn’t want to play them. Dad just bought me £300′s worth of acoustic guitar for my 18th, and I love it so much. I sleep with it next to my bed. And I want music more than anything, I love it. Like Tab loves the subject he’s chosen. They’ve funded stuff for his Uni work and his chosen subject, he’s doing sports massage, they bought him a massage table. They’ve funded my music and bought me instruments. It just gets to me that he asks for archery equipment that he doesn’t need and he gets it. It pisses me off that he gets all this new archery stuff, then drinks the night before a competition and shoots like a tit anyway. While I’m sat here bawling like a baby right now cause I want to go to the beach with my friends and not have to sit on the sand and watch them have fun cause I don’t have a kite. He’d never be this upset over a piece of archery kit that he wants but can’t afford. I can’t imagine him not getting something he wants :S I’m trying to think of what he’d do if someone full on just told him he can’t have those new arrows, he hasn’t got the money, mum and dad aren’t paying for it. He’s not having it until he can buy it. He’d throw a stop probably, until someone gives in. I can’t imagine him just accepting that he simply can’t have it. He just wouldn’t. Mum and dad would give it to him anyway, so I guess we won’t ever find out.
Gah 
Tia-Rhian xx
Examples…
Here are some examples as to why people need to learn a bit about kites before laughing in the face of pain…
And so on…
Come let’s fly kites, do all the things we like.
Lyrics by Anna Frank
I need money
I need a kite so much I have been trying not to cry for the past like half an hour. Daf saw Piet’s kite for the first time and spent the entire last lecture talking about how he’s going to get a kite and how he’ll probably get one before me.
Just cause his daddy will pay for one and I don’t want to ask my dad cause it’s not fair, cause Tab’s always asking for money, and I don’t wanna drain him and mum of money.
But Daf doesn’t know anything about kites. He kept saying how awesome it’s going to be. And I tried telling him that people can get seriously, seriously hurt when they’re kiting and he just wouldn’t believe me, he genuinely believed that attaching yourself to 12m worth of nylon sheet and taking it out in 20mph winds is completely and utterly safe. I told him he could get really hurt if he didn’t know enough about it, and he just shrugged it off and said it’d be fun. But not in a way that he was just trying to wind me up, cause I’d just ignore him if he was winding me up.
Meh, I’ll ask him how fun it is again when it’s picked him 30ft in the air and dropped him onto the floor in a matter of second. I’ll ask him how fun it was to see his kite hit the floor while he’s still 25ft in the air.
I’m just pissed because I’ve been so obsessed for like a year and I really, really love it. And just thinking about how it could take me at least 8 months to get a kite is actually making my lip shake. I dream about it, just watching someone else do it chills me out…I need it. I don’t even just want to do it anymore. I need to do it.
And despite what Piet thinks. It’s not cause of him. I don’t want to go kiting with him. I want to do it with new people. Though he’s been kiting a lot recently with the people that I was going to kite with so I assume he’s going to accuse me of following him again. But whatever.
I need a job, or money of any sort. I just…huuuuh
Tia-Rhian
These days I cuddle up to my guitar instead.
Soooo muuuuuch chocolate!!
Nomnomnomnomnomn!!
Well done Linda for running so far today! You’ve not stopped!! So proud of you! I bet you’re going to look so different when I see you!
Today I went to dinner with dad, Jill, Toivo and Linda and one of the waiters was goooooorgeous! Really…he was quite beautiful! And every time he came up to the table, Jilly would nudge me. Then as we were leaving dad and Jilly left him a note saying “To Dylan *my phone number* from Tia (Llanelli)”. I was so mortified!! I’d have never have done it on my own, mind. I’ve not turned my phone on yet, it’s run out of battery, but if he texts at all, it’ll probably be when he finishes work. They were talking about him the whole way home, saying “ooooh he seems like such a polite and nice boy!!” *rolls eyes*.
Hah I love how crazy my family are!! Think I might spend a lot more time down here 
Damaged my car…I dented the wheel cover and it’s got some scratches and stuff. Very embarrassing. I hit a wall haha. It’s not bad, it’s all repairable and stuff. But I’m going to have to pay for it…which means no kite yet
Tia-Rhian xx
I can only appologise if I seem out of touch. I only scream and shout because I care so much.
Lyrics by The King Blues
Guys, I’m so tired!
The Beggars had a crazy series of random gigs in April! We had one of the 4th, the 17th, the 19th, the 22nd, the 23rd and recording on the 21st and 22nd…phew! Thank heavens 3 have been cancelled! The one of the 22nd may be cancelled too…we’ll see!
Going to head down to my dads tomorrow to see Toivo and Linda then head to Cai’s house maybe to see him and Berian. I haven’t seen either of them since school! They went off to University and Cai’s been one of my best friends since I was 3. It’s going to be awesome 
So excited for Easter now. I’ve finally finished college for the next 2 weeks. This break is going to be awesome
Me and Clive are heading out kiting and he’s going to help me learn how to jump and ride a board. It’s gonna be cooool
Byeeee
Tia-Rhian xx
I’m a slow motion accident, lost in coffee rings and fingerprints.
I don’t wanna feel anything but I do, and it all comes back to you.
Lyrics by Imogen Heap (when she was in Frou Frou though)
Tia-Rhian has decided!
I will be buying myself a new kite, a new board, a new harness, a new wetsuit (plus booties and gloves), new board shorts, all new kiting kit ready for summer It’s going to be epic. Now I just need…£500-£600 WHICH I am going to earn by heading out to the town and busking
I intended on doing my first busk tonight, but I forgot mum had the car. And so tomorrow shall be the launch of this great challenge. Pieter got £30 for an hour or so the other week, so I’m thinking a few hours should get me £50ish. And if I get £50 every time, it’s only going to take me 10 busks (is that a word??), and seeing as I’m giving myself until the end of May or beginning of June. I should be able to do it!
And I made a little collection tin for my money xD It’s got “Tia’s Kitin’” (Tia’s Kite Tin, geddit? Wheeyyy) written on it and little numbers on the side so i can cross off each milestone 
like £50, £100, £250 and so on xD
Kitey kitey!
Tia-Rhian xx
She has a cherry flavoured smile…
Today’s been cool. I guess.
Jill, Clive and I got up pretty early to head into town, they needed to finish their Christmas shopping and I wanted to meet up with Pieter.
Seeing Pieter was cool. We went for coffee and we had spoke about a lot of stuff, and then we went into some shops to try and find something for his step-mum for Christmas, but we failed so I’m going to bring her back something from Estonia and say it’s from both of us! He’s never been good at that sort of thing!
Besides, I know she’s doing the same thing with Pieter’s dad and making him get people presents. So we can have a giggle about it some other time.
I’m glad we got a chance to say goodbye before I leave.
When we got home, Clive and I thought it’d be a great idea to go mountainboarding.
I can’t remember if I said this yesterday, but I’m feeling rather self-destructive, so I thought I’d put it to good use and if I hurt myself it won’t matter cause I’m feeling self destructive and it’ll only build confidence on a board and will that was improve my kiting. So anyway, we did that down my dad’s driveway (which is on a long, bumpy slope) and it was cool. I did fall off, I did cut and graze my hands on the ice, but that’s fiiiine. They’ll be right as rain tomorrow
We filmed it too, but my computer hates the file format so I can’t show you!
Then we hung out with the dog for a little while, Scampi and Keyno. They’re cool, Scampi was wearing a coat!! I’ll put a picture up, he did look dapper
And now I’m just sat here trying to beat Pieter’s score on Geo Challenge, which is driving me mad! I was beating him for the longest time but now he’s kicking my butt! What’s with that??!!
Not spoken to Jon, might give him a few more days, will wait until after Christmas I think.
But, now I need a bath!! So Pip Pip!!
Tia-Rhian xx
Excitement at last!!
Hellooooo out there!!
The wind has, once again, arrived in my little corner of Wales, UK. About time too!! Lewis is lending me his 10m on Thursday and Pieter is lending me his harness while he’s away and Lewis, Josie and I are going for a fly on Thursday if the wind is still around. Phew!!
I’ve been hanging out with some new mates as well. Remember me talking about the band Sensi Soundhouse? Well, I’ve been talking to them on the itnernet for a little while and I went to visit them a few months ago because they don’t live very far away. And Jon, the drummer, and I have been getting on well I was at his on Friday and we had a jam with an acoustic guitar and a hand drum, it was sounding really good! We’ve decided we’ll go busking and I’m considering having him as part of my backing band. So excitement is brewing
I spent Friday night and Nick’s house then, up the road and then we went shopping on Saturday. And then we went back up to Jon and Josh’s for a chill Cause they all live on the same street pretty much and are going to the same uni.
So me and Jon are going to hang out again on Wednesday and have another jam and also go shopping for Halloween bits and bobs. I’m excited I do like a bit of Jon hah. No, he’s very lovely. And Aunty Linda, I think you’d quite like him too In fact, I think I quite like him. But the less said about that the better. It’s just the “what if I wasn’t with Piet? I wonder what would happen…” but, as it is, I am with Piet and I’d very much like to make it work.
Maybe one day
Oh and Sensi Sounhouse are playing a gig for Halloween and it’s all fancy dress and Jon and Josh (twins by the way, this is why I say their names together a lot of the time…and if I say ‘the twins’…that’s them) came up with the best outfit for me! I was just going to go as a zombified slutty schoolgirl, which I wasn’t so keen on…but now I’m going to go as Sally Ragdoll from the Nightmare Before Christmas.
But no one can see my outfit until then. And I’ve been experimenting with make-up and stuff, because she’s got stitches on her face, and I think I’ve nailed it at last!
And tomorrow I’m going with mum to visit my brother in Cardiff tomorrow, Tuesday I might see if Sarah is up for some flight, Wednesday I’ll spend with Jon, Thursday I’ll be flying with Lewis and Josie, Friday I think mum and Mal and me were going for a hike somewhere cool, and then it’s HALLOWEEEEEEEEN WEEKEND XD
Oh and Pieter comes home from Canada on Sunday. We haven’t really spoken since he went, he’s written to the band as a whole but not to me specifically. I’m sure he will when he’s settled and ready. Until then, I’ll be out and about, doing stuff
Oooooh! I almost forgot! Next week, I’m going to start eating more healthily so my skin will clear up and hopefully I’ll feel a bit more energetic and cheery. So I’m going to plan all my meals and snacks and stuff for the week and see how well I keep to it.
So, right now I’m watching the Nightmare Before Christmas to get a few more ideas on my Sally Ragdoll outfit.
Until next time, my lovlies, here is a picture of my make up and outfit
Tia-Rhian x
Still Bored…
Yup still bored.
But I just tried some new things with my wardrobe and that spruced it up a bit Next stop…HAIR!
Having a rough time with Pieter. It’s going a bit downhill again, I’m not prepared to just drop it though. I can’t. It’s just a rough patch, we can deal with it. We really can. I don’t know if he’s convinced or not though…
We still got a lot of talking to do.
Desperate to go kiting again, there’s been no wind for weeks.
Tia-Rhian
Bored.
I’m bored…just bored.
Bored of everything. I’m bored of home, I’m bored of archery, I’m bored of college, bored of me and Piet, bored of me, bored of my clothes, bored of my music, bored of being bored, bored of mum and Mal, bored of TV, bored of not being able to go anyway, bored of the people I’m with, bored of my hair, bored of my make-up, bored of Llanelli, bored of feeling sad. I’M SO BORED!!
I sat on my thinking hill today for the first time since Claire, Tech and I sat there at 5am that morning over the summer. And I remember why I decided not to take anyone there. Because now I just miss them both. But anyway, I sat there looking across the water to the villages and hills on the other side. It always looks greener doesn’t it? I want to know what it’s like over there. I want to go there for the day and see what it’s all about. I want to know who lives there and what they get up to. I want to kite over there and see what it’s like. I want me and Piet to go there and experience stuff.
When I talk to him next, I’ll see if he wants to go for a drive there sometime, I’ll also ask if he wants to go for a drive to my dads house. And we’ll hang out, and maybe go to Emlyn, and possibly Beulah and see where I grew up. Maybe if I see all those places and remember stuff, I’ll be able to figure out what to do to make me less bored. Plus, having Piet in those places might shake it up a bit.
Going to Bradford on the weekend with dad, that’ll be something different and hopefully I won’t be so bored then.
I’m going to check when the wind is coming back (no wind = boredom) and then I’ll get in contact with Sarah. She’s back from Brazil now. And then I’ll get in the water and that will be something. Still looking for kites, hopefully when I get my kite I’ll be out whenever there’s wind and I won’t be bored.
I need to meet new people. Or talk to really old friends or something…I don’t know.
I wish I was someone else at times like these.
Tia-Rhian x
